"I am here with Professor Edvard Nemacov, a leading scientiest in research on Vampires."
"Hello!"
"So today you are going to explain some of the science behind vampires and how they become well vampires."
"Yes, that is correct."
"Now let's get somethings out of the way. Vampires drink blood right?"
"Indeed"
"They have sharp incisors with which they bight, Correct?"
"That is correct."
"What about garlic?"
"Well, the vampire has a hightened sense of smell. Garlic is just nasty. Besides if you smell like garlic you taste like garlic and well, garlic really isn't any good with out salt. And blood is hard to salt."
"Uh, right. Now what about holy water?"
"Poppycock. Everyone who is Post-Protestant Reformation knows that the Catholic Church is not wholy correct. That's why they protested and formed their own churches. Holy water, since the church isn't wholy correct can't be truly holy because it isn't blessed of God so it has no special powers anyway. Besides holy water is for baptism anyway and if you douse a vampire with holy water you've just entered him into the kingdom and washed all his sins away. Well, if it wasn't completely symbolic anyway."
"Ahem, okay, so wooden crosses and stabbing with sticks."
"Well the cross is a horrible symbol. That's why vampires shrink away from them. Nasty Roman trick that everyone still hates. The wooden spike through the heart only works because of the splinters. If you got a metal spike that had rust or shavings which stuck into the heart of the vampire it would eventually cause infection and death of the vampire. Putting it through a blender is a good way too."
"Alrighty. Well, lets get back to the ones we got right teeth and drinking blood."
"Okay, the most crucial point of the vampire is the heart. Somehow the heart and brain don't die. Although the rest of the body did. This causes a slight decomposition to the body; however, with the resusitation of the heart and mind the body no quits decomposing and is suspended in that slightly decomposed state. Hence the ashen colour or skin and bloodshot eye look of vampires.
"Well, in more detail, it is a virus called mortis dracularis which causes this state and it is transmitted by other vampires. I haven't been able to figure out the cause or mutation of the virus and how it was originally caught but it can only be transferred from a vampire to a human being.
"This is done by the incisor teeth. [Professor walks over to a chalkboard to show a section of a vampire's mouth.] See the hole in the teeth and the gland inside the sinus cavity. This gland creates and secreets the virus into the blood. The virus is also combined with bacteria which helps to keep the blood from coagulating and to break it down into sugars and proteins.
"Now the virus needs blood to work. A dry host will just kill the virus and the human will remain dead. In fact, there needs to be enough blood that the infected party could still live on its own, but have enough blood loss that the body is very week.
"The virus then kills the person and resuscitates the heart and mind before brain or irreparable heart damage occurs. Most vampires kill their hosts, preferring not to inflict mankind with the life they have. However, there are sadistic vampires out there. Most vampires are male and they tend to go for the opposite sex, which is seems like it doesn't make any sense. To be perfectly honest, no one wants a female vampire. They are well, due to the blood issues and monthly occurances vampire women are technically always PMSing, literally. So they aren't much fun to get along with so most males kill their female host. It is mostly sadistic, female, and gay vampires which lead to vampirical propetuation."
"Okay this is so enlightning," the host says with some sarcasm. "So what made you so interested in vampirology?"
"Well, because sonny, I am one." After which the Professor scrunched his face and bit the reporter on the neck and drained him of his blood.
The camera man kept filming and was too stunned to move. The Professor turned to the camera man, who finally began backing up, still filming.
"Did you see that? When I went to bight him my face all scrunched up. That was to activate my viral gland up here in my sinuses. That helped squish the venom out of the gland. Sorry, for the outburst. I suppose I'll have to move again to keep people from burning me at the stake and trying to prod me with wooden stakes but these interviews just make me so hungery. Well thank you for taking time to see me. I'll be collecting my stuff. And I hope to never see any of you again. Well, except for you Selma Hayek, if you are watching. I'd like to show you what it's like with a real vampire." He wiggled his eyebrows and left.
Tuesday, November 9, 2010
Wednesday, September 8, 2010
The Lord of Zobidia
Fan Fiction based on the city of Zobeide briefly mentioned in Invisible Cities of Italo Calvino.
Five men dreamed a dream: Etienne of France, Luciano of Italy, Kim Lu of China, Blair of England, and Tyrone of America. It was of a woman who was running away from them and she was naked. They pursued her through a city, the same city, although they took different routes through the city. But alas, the lady illuded them in their chase. They went searching for this city, the five of them, but never found it. However, they found each other, and they vowed to build the city they had envisioned. With one common entrance they built their pursuit through the city, saving one difference, where the men lost the lady in their route, the men made it insurpassible, hoping to trap the lady. They named the city, Zobidia.
For many years the woman never came, but others came having the same dream and went through the city making changes to the lay out: closing off roads and making new routes. Those who lived in this city hated it. It took them forever to get from one part to the other. To get from the business district to the market district, they had to drive all the way to the beginning of the city and then all the way down the road on which the market was on.
One day a certain man named Rashid came to the city. He had dreamed a similar dream as the rest but instead of adding to the maze of Zobidia, he had a different plan. An architect from the city of Dubai he listened to the dreams of the others and went through and made changes to the whole lay out of the city. Outside of the city he built himself a wonderful palace where in he lived and never left. He had servants go into the city to get his needs using the passes he had created.
One day the fateful day occurred. The lady appeared, and ran through their city. She took off down Tyrone's street first because of the throng of men blocking the other routes. Tyrone and those who changed or added to his route chased after the lady. Those whose roads she had not ran down, sulked down their forgotten lanes. One by one, the lady eluded man after man until she got to where Tyrone's dead end lie, but she slipped past his trap and he dropped in despair.
One by one as the others sulked down their separate streets the lady appeared out of some unknown portal, for which they gave chase. And one by one, each of them lost her. Dejected and bewildered Blair, Tyrone, Luciano, Etienne, and Kim Lu went to their highest towers to see if maybe she would be trapped somewhere in their part of the city, but looking east they saw Rashid's green palace, free from confines of the city, and there the lady running up the road. She ran up to the gates of his palace, and he stepped out of the gate house with a towel and a robe, which she happily took from him and she walked onto the grounds that lay before her. They were soon married, and Etienne, Blair, Kim Lu, Luciano, and Tyrone left the city, they had created. Rashid's changes to the city became even more prolific and soon the city floorished and was no longer the trap it had been.
Five men dreamed a dream: Etienne of France, Luciano of Italy, Kim Lu of China, Blair of England, and Tyrone of America. It was of a woman who was running away from them and she was naked. They pursued her through a city, the same city, although they took different routes through the city. But alas, the lady illuded them in their chase. They went searching for this city, the five of them, but never found it. However, they found each other, and they vowed to build the city they had envisioned. With one common entrance they built their pursuit through the city, saving one difference, where the men lost the lady in their route, the men made it insurpassible, hoping to trap the lady. They named the city, Zobidia.
For many years the woman never came, but others came having the same dream and went through the city making changes to the lay out: closing off roads and making new routes. Those who lived in this city hated it. It took them forever to get from one part to the other. To get from the business district to the market district, they had to drive all the way to the beginning of the city and then all the way down the road on which the market was on.
One day a certain man named Rashid came to the city. He had dreamed a similar dream as the rest but instead of adding to the maze of Zobidia, he had a different plan. An architect from the city of Dubai he listened to the dreams of the others and went through and made changes to the whole lay out of the city. Outside of the city he built himself a wonderful palace where in he lived and never left. He had servants go into the city to get his needs using the passes he had created.
One day the fateful day occurred. The lady appeared, and ran through their city. She took off down Tyrone's street first because of the throng of men blocking the other routes. Tyrone and those who changed or added to his route chased after the lady. Those whose roads she had not ran down, sulked down their forgotten lanes. One by one, the lady eluded man after man until she got to where Tyrone's dead end lie, but she slipped past his trap and he dropped in despair.
One by one as the others sulked down their separate streets the lady appeared out of some unknown portal, for which they gave chase. And one by one, each of them lost her. Dejected and bewildered Blair, Tyrone, Luciano, Etienne, and Kim Lu went to their highest towers to see if maybe she would be trapped somewhere in their part of the city, but looking east they saw Rashid's green palace, free from confines of the city, and there the lady running up the road. She ran up to the gates of his palace, and he stepped out of the gate house with a towel and a robe, which she happily took from him and she walked onto the grounds that lay before her. They were soon married, and Etienne, Blair, Kim Lu, Luciano, and Tyrone left the city, they had created. Rashid's changes to the city became even more prolific and soon the city floorished and was no longer the trap it had been.
Wednesday, February 10, 2010
Myst: The Shipwreck
A ship is caught in a storm caused by a "merman" and by which the ship is shipwrecked. Through other means of magic, the mermaid and the prince are brought together. The ships occupants are the merman's estranged and usurping brother. This story is a combining of the stories The Little Mermaid, and The Tempest.
Story: Shakespeare's The Tempest, Hans C. Anderson's The Little Mermaid, Disney's The Little Mermaid, Tempest (1982)
Merman father: Prospero, Phillip Dimitrius, Triton
Mermaid: Miranda
Lore: Tritons, Triton, Merrows,
Story: Shakespeare's The Tempest, Hans C. Anderson's The Little Mermaid, Disney's The Little Mermaid, Tempest (1982)
Merman father: Prospero, Phillip Dimitrius, Triton
Mermaid: Miranda
Lore: Tritons, Triton, Merrows,
Tuesday, January 19, 2010
The War for Neverland
Players
Neverland - created by Terrance Coachman, a Land boys were Never meant to return home.
Terrance Coachman - creator of neverland. Lost his son in an accident between a British warship and a Italian merchant vessel. which he blames on the Britain and the town of Italy where the ship's captain was from. He creates Neverland so he can steal their children. He also is the master mind behind the turning of the children of a small town in Italy into donkeys.
Peter Pan - an orphan who Terrance Goodman convinces to leave the orphanage with his friends and go to the magical Neverland.
Ruth Timberdale (Captain Hook) - an angry cook who becomes the captain of a ship through intrigue and is hired/cursed to keep the Lost Boys occupied and unable to leave Neverland.
Tinkerbell - A pixy whose role isn't yet determined
Smee - Not figured out yet either. Obviously Captain Hooks only friend of sorts.
Neverland - created by Terrance Coachman, a Land boys were Never meant to return home.
Terrance Coachman - creator of neverland. Lost his son in an accident between a British warship and a Italian merchant vessel. which he blames on the Britain and the town of Italy where the ship's captain was from. He creates Neverland so he can steal their children. He also is the master mind behind the turning of the children of a small town in Italy into donkeys.
Peter Pan - an orphan who Terrance Goodman convinces to leave the orphanage with his friends and go to the magical Neverland.
Ruth Timberdale (Captain Hook) - an angry cook who becomes the captain of a ship through intrigue and is hired/cursed to keep the Lost Boys occupied and unable to leave Neverland.
Tinkerbell - A pixy whose role isn't yet determined
Smee - Not figured out yet either. Obviously Captain Hooks only friend of sorts.
Monday, January 18, 2010
Ruth Timberdale - Mystfield's The War for Neverland
Once upon a time somewhere in New England, a boy was born to very poor family. The dad, Buck Timberdale, was often angry because often he was drunk, and on this occasion he was very, very angry and very, very drunk. He wanted a girl, a daughter, not a boy, and in his drunken rage he named his son Ruth, and relieved his mother and the midwife of their ability of bringing forth anymore children, or in other words their lives.
When he sobered a little he left the small town he lived in to somewhere in the South, proposedly in North Carolina, deep in the woods alone. He raised this boy as a boy but belittled him because he was supposed to be a girl. So the boy resented his father. And though they lived nowhere, he would walk twenty or more miles to school, where he was ridiculed for his feminine name.
The boy grew in resentment and hatred, for he was never loved and he was never treated kindly. Finally he came of age when he thought he could strike it on his own, and he left his dad and traveled to Raleigh where he looked for work. After months of searching, a dirty old man with a wooden leg and an eye patch hired him as cook on the Carib'n Rosa. He hadn't the slightest idea how to cook but he pretended he did. And he never made a fine cook but the men tolerated the portions enough to never dispatch him. He never told them his real name and they never asked, they just called him Cook.
Of course, he hated them cause he never knew how to love. They hated him too, but they hated everyone, they were pirates, men who had all grown up in bad and angry homes. But Ruth was planning. As cook sitting in the galley, he heard the ship hands talk, and they didn't always have good things to say about the Cap'n or the First mate. Sedition grew and freedom too. Oddly enough a few famous pirates started their careers on this ship. Long John Silver had been the previous cook before he took the the post and he saw Jack Sparrow go from ship hand to leaving and finding his own crew, per se. Some talk was of mutiny. Some of leaving and starting their own ships. Some he warned the Captain on. Some he let pass through the sails. There were three Captains on his ship and he hoped somehow he would be next. But he never took the chance.
One day he took leave of the ship when they had disembarked at Port-au-Prince. While searching for food for the galley he was enticed by a beautiful woman who was offering fortune seances. Charmed by her beauty he paid most of his own wages to his fortune. She told him that he would be approached by man who would offer him a grand opportunity which he should not turn up.
However, she was not magic, but hired by a certain man who was looking for help. Who, through magic discerned the desires of the Cook's heart. Before Ruth left the the market, this man chanced to meet him.
He called himself Terrance Coachman, an entrepreneur, who was looking for a ship and a captain. He was convinced that Carib'n Rosa was his ship but the current captain wasn't quite what he needed. So Terrance and Cook plotted the Death of the Captain and the bestowal of navigating the ship to Cook. So before they embarked on their voyage again, the captain of the Carib'n Rosa was murdered in the middle of the night and the papers were exchanged so that Terrance Coachman was the new owner of the ship and Cook was made captain.
When they made their announcement to the ship, the crew laughed and ridiculed him. Calling him the Cook Captain, and that they were all going to be killed by the Hawaiians. This caused Cook to lose his nerve. And in anger Terrance Coachman whipped him away into the Captains Lair. He revealed himself as a sorcerer and made him a spell that bound him as captain until he quit his service to Mr. Coachman. In the words of the spell, that once he left the service of Mr Coachman his men would mutiny him or worse. Later on, Mr. Coachman would enunciate all the terms of the contract, like where Captain Ruth would serve as Captain.
They sailed to London, England. One midnight as the pulled through the English Channel, the night watch saw Terrance Coachman on the bridge conjuring a spell. He saw the skies open and the ship rise off the water and float into the sky. However, when the vision closed he was never found.
When the truth was manifest, Terrance Goodman cursed the crew and captain to patrol the waters of his Neverland to occupy the children who would come there and that they could never leave or they would die.
Later on, in the War for Neverland, Ruth loses his hand and his name as the Cook when a young boy Peter Panning fights him for his and the Lost Boys' freedom and supremacy in Neverland.
When he sobered a little he left the small town he lived in to somewhere in the South, proposedly in North Carolina, deep in the woods alone. He raised this boy as a boy but belittled him because he was supposed to be a girl. So the boy resented his father. And though they lived nowhere, he would walk twenty or more miles to school, where he was ridiculed for his feminine name.
The boy grew in resentment and hatred, for he was never loved and he was never treated kindly. Finally he came of age when he thought he could strike it on his own, and he left his dad and traveled to Raleigh where he looked for work. After months of searching, a dirty old man with a wooden leg and an eye patch hired him as cook on the Carib'n Rosa. He hadn't the slightest idea how to cook but he pretended he did. And he never made a fine cook but the men tolerated the portions enough to never dispatch him. He never told them his real name and they never asked, they just called him Cook.
Of course, he hated them cause he never knew how to love. They hated him too, but they hated everyone, they were pirates, men who had all grown up in bad and angry homes. But Ruth was planning. As cook sitting in the galley, he heard the ship hands talk, and they didn't always have good things to say about the Cap'n or the First mate. Sedition grew and freedom too. Oddly enough a few famous pirates started their careers on this ship. Long John Silver had been the previous cook before he took the the post and he saw Jack Sparrow go from ship hand to leaving and finding his own crew, per se. Some talk was of mutiny. Some of leaving and starting their own ships. Some he warned the Captain on. Some he let pass through the sails. There were three Captains on his ship and he hoped somehow he would be next. But he never took the chance.
One day he took leave of the ship when they had disembarked at Port-au-Prince. While searching for food for the galley he was enticed by a beautiful woman who was offering fortune seances. Charmed by her beauty he paid most of his own wages to his fortune. She told him that he would be approached by man who would offer him a grand opportunity which he should not turn up.
However, she was not magic, but hired by a certain man who was looking for help. Who, through magic discerned the desires of the Cook's heart. Before Ruth left the the market, this man chanced to meet him.
He called himself Terrance Coachman, an entrepreneur, who was looking for a ship and a captain. He was convinced that Carib'n Rosa was his ship but the current captain wasn't quite what he needed. So Terrance and Cook plotted the Death of the Captain and the bestowal of navigating the ship to Cook. So before they embarked on their voyage again, the captain of the Carib'n Rosa was murdered in the middle of the night and the papers were exchanged so that Terrance Coachman was the new owner of the ship and Cook was made captain.
When they made their announcement to the ship, the crew laughed and ridiculed him. Calling him the Cook Captain, and that they were all going to be killed by the Hawaiians. This caused Cook to lose his nerve. And in anger Terrance Coachman whipped him away into the Captains Lair. He revealed himself as a sorcerer and made him a spell that bound him as captain until he quit his service to Mr. Coachman. In the words of the spell, that once he left the service of Mr Coachman his men would mutiny him or worse. Later on, Mr. Coachman would enunciate all the terms of the contract, like where Captain Ruth would serve as Captain.
They sailed to London, England. One midnight as the pulled through the English Channel, the night watch saw Terrance Coachman on the bridge conjuring a spell. He saw the skies open and the ship rise off the water and float into the sky. However, when the vision closed he was never found.
When the truth was manifest, Terrance Goodman cursed the crew and captain to patrol the waters of his Neverland to occupy the children who would come there and that they could never leave or they would die.
Later on, in the War for Neverland, Ruth loses his hand and his name as the Cook when a young boy Peter Panning fights him for his and the Lost Boys' freedom and supremacy in Neverland.
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