Chuck Norris, the FSM, the Eternal Squid, and God.

In the beginning, there was only the land of Chaos. In that land there were two beings. There was the Omnipotent Martial Arts Master Roundhouse Kicker (Omamrk), out of reverence for his holy name we call him Chuck Norris, and the Flying Spaghetti Monster.

They lived in peace for thousands of millenia. But finally they had a disagreement. Neither can remember why today. Every time CN kicked FSM a meatball flew off and created a planet. Once Chuck Norris kicked the FSM so hard that noodles and a meatball flew off and at such an alarming rate that it melted together and created the Eternal Squid. The Eternal Squid slammed into a meatball and was knocked into consciousness. He remained on the squid until he learned everything about the meatball and its movements.

Chuck Norris and the FSM continued there fight and began to wrestle. Chuck Norris began biting off the FSM's meatballs and shat them out as stars. One of these stars shot out of the fight directly towards the meatball that the Eternal Squid lay on. The ES was afraid and knew that his meatball would be destroyed so he jumped off of it. However, he loved his meatball and did not want to depart from it. So he stopped the burning meatball and made his beloved meatball rotate around it. Then he shrunk himself and began creative works on his Meatball. He created trillibites and all the dinosaurs. His meatball flourished.

When Chuck Norris and the FSM finally reconciled they recognised the ES and how brilliant he was. The applauded him and went about fixing up meatballs and stars.

The Eternal Squid loved his planet and all its creations, and dwelt among them. He was a very brilliant scientific mind. He even created cavemen near the end. One cave man surpassed the rest and became smart. His name mas Goderithellimetichaskeskidoth, God for short. He made himself immortal after following all of the Eternal Squid's methods for Survival of the Fittest and Evolution. He and the Eternal Squid became friends and learned from each other.

One day the FSM and Chuck Norris had another fight. One of the flying meatballs flew off towards The Eternal Squid's meatball. God and the Eternal Squid tried to stop it from crashing into their beloved home but were unsuccessful. In a last ditched effort they hid as many of their creatures in a bomb shelter under the Meatballs core. The asteroid meatball crashed into the earth killing all life forms not hidden under the crust. It also cracked the world and made the techtonic plates which eventually tore apart Pangea. God and EternoSquid came together and recreated the world. ES being shy and humble did not want any credit given to him and told God to take all the credit. God and ES know that eventually all humans will become extinct or learn immortality like God did and move into the Underworld, and all they will be no more and ES through his slow and methodical methods will make squids the most supreme creatures to exist.

When Chuck Norris and the FSM realised what they had done they reconciled and came to dwell on the earth and protect it as their favourite planet.

Satan was created by Cain and was at first his imaginary friend. But Cain's mental powers immortalised Satan and he became ultimately real. Cain ultimately rejected the methodology of God and the Eternal Squid and found his own way to immortality. However, he is it the grotesque form of Sasquatch or Big Foot and Lamech is the Yeti.

Those who learn the immortalisation methods of the Eternal Squid and God move to the the Underground with God and the ES.

Some of the most famous people have moved there. Jesus Christ, Buddha, Confucius, Krishna, Vishnu, Mohammed, Joseph Smith, TuPac, Biggie, Mr. T, Bruce Lee, and of course Santa Claus, all live in the Underground. The access to the underground is through the poles. So that's where you get the story of Santa Claus living at the north pole. Yes some naughty boy or girl followed SC and told a lot of people until Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked him to mars and thus started the first martians. Other practicing believers in the Omnipotence of Chuck Norris is Jackie Chan. Jet Li is considered a mockery but is allowed existance because Chuck Norris finds it comedy relief.

Contrary to popular belief, Elvis did not go home. He got roundhouse kicked to Mars.